Fiction Story

I've had a dreadful weekend and feel really low so I've written this little story to try and lift me a bit. Hope you enjoy it but please remember that Charles Dickens I ain't;

2012 A NEW ANGLE

We arrived home from the new years eve party at about 3am, I would like to have stayed longer but Jill wanted to come home. I love my married life and I always obey Jill so home we went. When we got home Jill told me to go and take a shower and meet her in the bedroom, now this confused me a bit because if I'm ever to be punished I have to shower and then wait facing the wall in our living room. This always starts with Jill simply saying "punishment" I reply "yes Ma'am" I then shower, wait facing the wall, receive my punishment then hear the word "over" then Ma'am becomes Jill again. So what was this ? I hadn't heard the word "punishment " so I just said "ok Jill". She did not berate me so I knew I wasn't in trouble.

I entered the bedroom wearing a dressing gown, Jill was sat on the end of the bed, she had two bags next to her, one was definitely the scrabble game bag which holds the letters the other was a small black silk like bag. She also had a notepad and a pen. Jill smiled beautifully and started to speak softly.

"Steve take your dressing gown off and kneel before me please"
I complied, I was a little confused. Although we live in a female led marriage we also have equality as it's corner stone, I'm a submissive husband not a slave but I found myself kneeling before Jill, looking into the eyes of a Mistress like lady above.

"give me your hands Steve"
I held them forward and she clasped them softly,
"I want an honest answer to this please Steve. How often do you masturbate ?"
I had no intention of not being truthful so I replied
"about 5 times a week Jill"
"do you not think that is excessive ?" she replied
"I suppose it is Jill" was the best reply I could muster.
"have you ever masturbated on the same day as we have make love?"
"yes Ma'am" I blurted
"you don't have to call me Ma'am Steve, you're not in anyway in trouble, in fact I'm going to help you greatly this year"
She continued "you must find sex with me less enjoyable having masturbated earlier surely ?"
"yes of course Jill" I replied.

Jill continued to hold my hands and softly lecture me saying that I was over using my own sexuality to the point it was mundane and that delayed gratification always felt better. She quickly worked out that I was having 250 plus orgasms a year and that needed to be cut drastically to about 24. She started to tell me the plan.

Jill opened the black bag and placed the item on the bed, It was a plastic chastity device and said,

"now as always Steve you don't have to do this but I would like you to start wearing this device"
"of course Jill" came my reply. I could see this lady cared and I felt loved.
" now I'm going to restrict you to 2 orgasms a month, I expect that be will with us making love but if it's the wrong time then I shall do it for you or I may have you masturbate as I watch"
"ok Jill" I replied

Jill the explained the scrabble bag. She had stuck numbers on the letter tiles, the numbers 1 to 28. I was to pick two numbers for each month and these were to be the release days. Clearly there was to be no relief on the 29th, 30th and 31st of each month.

"ok Steve lets start with January, pick out two tiles"
I came up with 11 and 18
"so your first orgasm is will be the 11th of January followed by another on the 18th, now put those numbers back and lets get on with February"

This continued through the twelve months with Jill recording every date on the notepad. The most alarming period was June and July because I picked the !st and 3rd of June followed by the 24th and 28th of July. September and October were not much better either, they had a 4 week plus period of abstinence too.

Jill, armed with all the dates stated to outline some other rules.

"I'm controlling your orgasms because you can't or won't look after yourself. I can control my sexual needs and when I feel the need for sexual comfort you will selflessly comply and satisfy me please"
Jill continued,
"I will not be using chastity as a punishment tool, the hairbrush, tawse and cane will remain my tools of punishment. This is not punishment, it's encouragement. You will get release on those dates regardless of any other issues. Next year we might be able to set the dates and work on trust but for now we will need the chastity device"

Jill went on to say that I might have wet dreams and that I'm not to worry if I do and that I should tell her and that it would not count against me at all. She mentioned supervised washing and how the device may take some getting used to. Then she said,

"when did you last masturbate ?"
"actually Jill it was over 2 days ago" I almost pleaded
"don't worry I believe you she replied, ok you may masturbate now"

Despite my love for Jill I have never found this easy, it's a little humiliating and I haven't done it often but I did it and after I orgasmed Jill told me to go and wash that area thoroughly and return. Jill took over again.

"stand in front of me please" she said, softly but with purpose.

Jill started to fit the device, it seemed to take forever, choosing the back ring seemed to be the main issue but eventually that noise rang out, the noise of the padlock clicking shut. A triumphant Jill spoke.

"now Steve I think I would like some new year pleasure too."

 Jill stood up and dropped her dress, her nakedness already prepared, she then lay back on the bed. I placed my head between her legs. 2012 had begun.

One week on

So one week on from possibly one of the most emotional events of my life I ask, where next ?
What's happened ? Have I reached the end of the road, am I at square 100 of the snakes and ladders board with no where else to go, or am I only at the very start of the next level ? Have I only just discovered the true power of CP and experienced what one of the best professionals can achieve when you are genuinely carrying guilt.

I don't know is the simple answer, I've spent a week analysing it and all I know is that it was truly helpful to me, plus it went beyond it's remit and gave me some clarity on other issues in my life. I know I still feel very humble, a grown man literally crying on a ladies shoulder would do that, but it was what was needed. I didn't know that but the consummate professional who guided me through did.

I know I will session again in the future, it's deep in my psyche. In fact I have a session booked for the spring with a visiting American lady, but I'm not ready yet, not even close. Yesterday I went to the London Fetish fair and although the place was full of like minded lovely people, I personally wasn't in the zone. If I never had a session again I would be safe in the knowledge that my final experience was perfection. I didn't enjoy it, I wasn't supposed to.

I know not everyone is the same and we all react differently but if anyone is thinking of putting themselves through this then I say go for it, but remember this, it doesn't end with the final stroke, in fact to quote part of a Churchill speech I would say it's just the beginning of the end. The soul searching afterwards is immense. My next piece of advice I strongly recommend. Make sure a hug is available at the end. I would not have thought it necessary in a million years but when i got up from the bench I felt frightened but comforting and reassuring arms were around me before I could know. Also it is vital you trust your Domme because you are handing over to them not just your body but also your emotions.

I don't know what other negative emotions can be helped. After my disgraceful binge eat tonight when I'm supposed to be losing weight maybe it could help there. However that's all for another time

Yesterday

Yesterday I made good on my promise and received my Judicial/severe punishment for a real life event. I'm not sure what I was going to write about it on this blog. I suppose I thought I would give a blow by blow account but I'm sorry I can't.
This blog doesn't have many readers but those that do may think I'm letting down the ethos of this blog and to you guys I apologise.
The problem is that yesterdays events were so deeply personal and incredibly emotional. At the outset I didn't expect that but in the event I was taken somewhere I didn't know existed.
I have little doubt some of you have been there and you guys must understand why I can write no more about it.
I will write again on more light hearted aspects of this life in a week or so but that will definitely be the last session of this year and probably a couple of months until I'm ready

Sorry.

FLR blogs and desires

When I started this blog I called it DWC desires, in retrospect I should have called it "Adventures of a spankee" or maybe "I pay to get spanked" would have been more apt, but I'm glad I didn't because underlying all of my adventures is the desire to live in a FLR. I don't want to be an out and out slave or cuckold, I would just like a loving disciplined relationship where I don't have to concern myself with being in charge. Both my previous long term relationships failed because of this. Here is the stinger though, I have long since totally given up looking for it, and I have done everything. I've advertised in a thousand ways in all different styles and in a hundred locations and during that time I have had not one single reply or e-mail returned.

So is FLR a reality or just a huge desire many of us dream of but doesn't exist ? Well if the amount of blogs on this subject are anything to go by then FLR's are plentiful. However are these blogs true or are they just guys imaginations working overtime ? I don't know is the answer. Some blogs are definitely fake because you can find huge discrepancies and contradictions in them and some are clearly just a front for a commercial aspect of this fetish/lifestyle. Now I may be naive but I do think some are true, but the odd thing is that I don't care if they are fact of fiction, I still read them. I don't care because for me I've given up and I now totally live in the play area of all of this. Yes all my visits to disciplinarians/Dommes are true and as I report on this blog but the reality is that in real life they are fake because I'm controlling it. I'm paying for it and receiving a service. A very good service too in the main.

When coming across a new FLR blog I always start by assuming it's true. I don't set out to disprove it, I just set about enjoying it. If the author screws up and exposes it as fake then ok I know, but I'll still go back. Fact or fiction it still entertains me.
I love reading- although with envy the ones I'm sure are real. You're lucky guys, but you must know that already if your search was anything like mine. Anyway back to something that is real. I will be getting a severe punishment next week. Keep writing those blogs guys. I for one am grateful.

Twitter, message boards and blogs

It doesn't matter what you're into, whatever turns you on from sniffing milk bottles to eating hair the online world will have blogs, message boards and a whole host of professionals waiting to take your money from you, some honourably and others not so. The BDSM/spanking world is no different.

I try to keep this blog free from any controversy, but my other online persona is not so mild mannered and recently thing have got a bit hot. On one message board I managed to upset a few folk. Now that doesn't bother me but my point is that the cyber world is a very harsh one. You should see the e-mails I get telling me everything from "you'll never go to heaven" and my favourite " you're a pervert". Like I didn't know. For the most part I'm going to keep off message boards, the recent anger started when I made my comments regarding the subject of sexual activity in sessions and the cost of sessions. I didn't start these threads, but a lot of people didn't want either of these subjects approached, so much so that in this case the host of the message board removed all the heinous opinions that got in the way with inconvenient truths.

Now Twitter, I have had some fun with this, though in the world of Domme/sub it is often very difficult to communicate with the Dommes as they have massive followings so they just can't always answer your tweets in return. It has been a great place to find good Mistresses though and it's nice to be able to communicate before chosing to session.

My favorite online reading though is definitely the blogs. I get very envious of those in DWC relationships and next post I will elaborate.

A virus, the bargain basement, 100 strokes and finally the legend returns.

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Release from chastity and sublime diaper position session

I am aware I don't blog as much as may be I should however I try to make each one relevant to what occurs in my fetish life. As I don't live in a submissive relationship or any relationship for that matter I solely rely on professionals for enactment of my desires. Due to my desire to live in a female controlled and strict disciplined lifestyle I always adopt the role of Husband to a strict wife or if the Domme is not comfortable with that then I'll play the role of a husband sent to a Disciplinarian for punishment. Anyone reading my last post will know I tried out a new Domme to play a week long chastity game. The Husband role was almost impossible to include in this so we went for the direct one to one scenario.

The first session the "the lock up" was mainly a CP session followed by the fitting of my chastity device. I was punished for masturbating which was congenial with the need to be placed in chastity, I was spanked and paddled OTK then caned for my err, then I was secured to a bench by my ankles and wrists while my Disciplinarian fitted my cage. In the previous blog you will see my little chap en caged.

My week in chastity was not all pleasure, Anyone who has been in a CB device will tell you is is possible to pull your penis out of the back of the cage and main ring which leaves the device only attached to your balls. I discovered this when I used to play self chastity games. However during the 7 days I did not cheat once, even during nocturnal erections which are bloody painful. I also found the device rubbed the base of my balls which became quite sore along with the upper side of my foreskin.

The second session "the release" was superb, A reminder spanking and paddling OTK was administered before being secured to the bench again where I was teased to full erection for some while until Mistress unlocked and released me, she then cleaned me using a wet wipe and rubbed cream in the sore areas. I could hear Ma'am opening a packet which I thought was a condom but it wasn't. It turned out to be a vibrating ring like the one below.

This ring was placed on my penis but not at the base where it is designed to go but on the head of my member, the vibrate was switched on and within seconds 7 days of frustration were over. My Domme gave me this ring after the session and told me I would get a few more pleasures from it, She was right. She also told me if we do this again the minimum lock up time would be 10 days. I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

DIAPER POSITION

My new found Disciplinarian has still not returned to action so I booked a session with my old favourite for a good severe WIFE/husband session which should include the diaper position. It was superb and damn painful. I was in exactly the position below, I was even on a desk.

The eye contact in this position is superb, as are the bruises on an area that doesn't get that kind of attention when OTK.

I love this life.

Today and not enough yesterdays.

As anyone who reads my rubbish will know, mainly because I don't stop going on about it, I have found a true legend for a Mistress, however she is now not available for months. so what's a down trodden pervert like me to do?  Well there is only so long one as weak as me can last so last week I visited an old and trusted Mistress and got a red behind for my troubles. Nothing to report out of the ordinary, the session did exactly what it said on the tin.

Today however I needed something different, I needed to complete my promise of chastity. I am now locked up for one week by a Mistress  I have never visited before. The picture above is me and mine locked up. Sorry if it is not attractive but I'm no porn star just an ordinary guy.

I didn't choose my regular Mistress nor would have I chosen my new found legend for this fetish and that is because I'm frightened of failure. If at any time this week this gets too much then bolt croppers will solve the problem and then all I have to do is cancel next weeks appointment . I simply could not face failure in front of two ladies I'm not worthy to allow disgrace to.

It is only day one today and so far all is fine though it is rubbing slightly behind my balls.

I can only promise I will do my best.

"Please Ma'am hurry back, I need your discipline"

Chastity games

Not being in a relationship and getting all ones submissive kicks from the professionals should not be a bar to chastity games, but for me there is a problem. Finding a lady to lock you up and keep the key is easy if you are prepared to pay and I would be although my lifestyle does not allow this,without going into too much detail I could not carry on with my normal life unhindered.

This however did not stop me from purchasing a CB3000 some years ago which I've played glorious little games with. I would lock myself up and see how much I could bear it or simply remove it if the situation dictated.

Of course that doesn't even come close to the DWC chastity lifestyle of your good ladies letting you know if it is convenient or not for you to be released and orgasm.

I love the idea of allowing the one you love to hold the key and be in control, I love the idea of honouring someone so much that I would be prepared to do this for them. It would need to be exactly that though. I wouldn't want to have to suffer really draconian measures of months locked up as punishment, in my DWC Desire it's CP that's the punishment tool. Chastity is a honouring tool. I certainly have no desire at all to be cuckold, for those of you who enjoy it and I know there are many I wish the best of luck but I can not abide the thought of someone I love being screwed by someone else.

My little games with the CB3000 were fun though. The longest period I endured was 5 days. I locked my little friend up and just simply left the key at a place I wouldn't return to for 5 days that was over 200 miles away from London. I was at work all day with this device on, I was constantly looking down to see if there was an excessive bulge. I think I got away with it but who would have said anything anyway.

I enjoyed the knowledge that my colleagues and friends had no idea, I also enjoyed an unexpected surprise. When you are in this device you are constantly reminded of your sexuality, you also learn that during a day your penis changes size and shape constantly. I'm not just talking erection or flaccid here, there are points during the day where the penis will retreat into the body or protrude further out without an erection. Nigh time erections were a little painful.

As a foot note though I do have to say that the CB3000 was not a perfect security device, it is possible to pull out of the back. You would need a piercing for total security.

I haven't locked myself away for ages now but I think having written this I might on Monday. I'm not out of town so I will post the key back to myself.

Spanked Hubby blog ?

A guy who called himself Mike Murphy had a very successful blog called Spanked Hubby. DOes anyone know what Ihappened to this ?

Wow,and it was short sharp shock.

Last week I had a discipline session for the second time with a British CP legend. This session was special and unique right from the outset. I didn't really proactively book this session, I was almost summonsed.

I reported at 11.30. Now looking back on it I think Ma'am wanted to go directly into session mode and dispense with the usual pre session chat because I was from the front door to the punishment room in seconds where she immediately told me to prepare (ie strip) and wait in the corner for her return. As I waited in the corner it occurred to me we hadn't discussed anything, not the scene, not the implements to be used, absolutely nothing. I stood there as apprehensive as I've ever been.

Ma'am entered the room and for a few moments attended to things she needed to do as though I wasn't even there. That however changed in a blink of an eye as a harsh verbal dressing down began with reference to something I really had done and it ended with the announcement of punishment.

I was ordered out of the corner and told to go across her knees, I then went to bend over as a right handed spanker would need me but I was swiftly ordered the other side which confused me as I was sure Ma'am delivered her punishment right handed. What followed was hard to take, it was well over 120 rapid hand spanks before I was ordered to stand up.

As I stood up she said "I bet you think that's the spanking over, well it's not" I was ordered to lay the other way round over her knees and I was right Ma'am is right handed and another 120 plus very hard right handed spanks from a right handed disciplinarian descended to my rear before being instructed back to my corner, hands on head.

It was time to come back out of the corner and I was instructed to go across a whipping bench where I was to receive 12 strokes of the strap. Each stroke was delivered hard and about 20 seconds apart, they really stung. After a return visit to the corner I found my self back over the bench for 12 strokes of her brand new Glasgow tawse. I never got a good look at the tawse but I think it looked like the one below, regardless it bloody hurt and the tears arrived.

I was never in any doubt that the cane was coming my way. 24 strokes were announced and I knew a good few painful minutes were ahead. The first 12 ma'am delivered left handed. I think she is trying to perfect an ambidextrous side to her abilities. Stroke 13 however was back with the right hand and I was truly sobbing from that point on and my mind went blank to the point I lost count.

Ma'am announced that it was 15 but as I lost count and she wished me to be focused on my punishment we would start again. At this point I had a horrible shock, I knew Ma'am would start again and I genuinely had lost count but because the punishment had been in sets of 12 thus far i thought she was just going to start again on the right handed set of 12. I was still thinking this 4 strokes in until Ma'am announced "20 to go". The penny had dropped and I felt like crying more than I already was. Those of you who receive the cane yourselves know what my next 5 minutes before finding myself back in the corner were like.

I stood in that corner a broken man but Ma'am announced a further 6 strokes, I didn't argue and I was on the bench quickly. Ma'am took her shoes off and let me know the significance of that, she then delivered the final six strokes from hell and it was over. Ma'am had corrected me and I dearly thank her for her time.

What's in a name ?

In my first ever session I was instructed to address my Domme as Mistress. I don't recall having even thought about how I would address the lady but Mistress seamed logical and who was I to argue however when I moved on and sessioned with my next Domme I automatically called her mistress during the first session, she instructed me to not call her Mistress but to address her as Madam. This was the great Mistress Paula who as I said in an earlier blog I sessioned with for many years but not exclusively and during that period on an outing to Croydon I met a Domme whom I addressed as Madam and she went mad stating she was far to young to be called Madam and I was to refer to her as Mistress.

Despite this being an initial problem it has never bitten me since and not because I ask first. I have come to like using the expression Ma'am. I find myself feeling very submissive using it, to the point that I only use it in sessions and not when addressing ladies in normal life. I have never yet had a Domme object although a Domme I got to know and then fell out with on Twitter hated the term. I was due to session with her and would have had to remember the following

To be honest though as long as I end up in the position below it's just a name.

Or is it ?

40,000 visits

40,000 visits in only a few months. It is evident to me that many folk would like the next half an hour of their life to start as the image below.

and end like this

Happy are those in a DWC life, envious those of us that chase the dream another way and frustrated are those that sit by and do nothing.

Short sharp shock pending

I can hardly contain my delight at a second session with a true legend. I'm booked in for a half hour short sharp shock. I will let you know how I faired my ordeal next week. Counting down the hours until tears.

Planning ahead

A car accident in Germany during the first week of October put me out of CP action for a few weeks but the week after Christmas saw a return over the knee and the back of the chair in the study of the Domme I visit most regularly. During that visit we played the Strict wife/husband role as we normally do however two weeks later I was back and I asked for something completely different.

I asked my Mistress to be exactly that a Mistress and to have a session with no fantasy. I confessed to something I really felt I needed punishing for. Now because I enjoy CP I suggested that there might be little point in using it and so with just 3 exceptions I gave Mistress a free run to punish me as she felt fit. So there it was, Mistress verses me, real time, real life.

The session was hell, I was taught a lesson and I will in future blogs let you all know what new things I was subjected to, but for now I will tell of just one aspect.

Midway through the session Mistress stated that although I thought I enjoyed CP she had something I would not enjoy. I was to endure a 20 stroke judicial caning with only 2 to 3 seconds between each strokes, I was to count and if I didn't get the count in before the next stroke hit then that stroke didn't count.

This was hell, 20 full force strokes on a cold bottom, from the 1st stroke I knew I was in trouble. In fantasy session I'm often informed "if you don't do this" or " if you fail to do that then you will get extra strokes" and in turn I will falter on purpose just to get extra strokes but this time, this time I counted as quick as I could and tears were flooding from me. I asked for a punishment and this along with other treatments this session left me truly repentant. Though it did give me an idea.

I have had a cold caning before. About 10 years ago I travelled some way to see a Domme in Gillingham,Kent, we went for the wife sending me to a disciplinarian scenario, I was instructed to take along a letter from my wife stating all my misdemeanours. I have a feeling this Domme may have misunderstood things a bit because she read the letter and stated that after consideration I was to receive a 35 stroke caning with extras for non compliance. This caning was from cold and was hell from stroke 1 however this time there were long pauses between strokes and after 15 or so strokes I relaxed into enough to make sure I earned extras although in this case all the extras were administered superbly with a large wooden paddle.

So the plan. My next session I'm going to request a cold caning bent over a chair, my hands and feet are to remain placed on the Chair/floor at all times and I'm to count, extras to be added for non compliance but this time I shall request the strokes are delivered 15 seconds apart. I'm not sure which Domme to visit for this as my regular Domme may be too harsh for me to be able to withstand, oh decisions decisions eh.

Mistress Sidonia Von Bork solves the watersports question

OK I'll admit it, this post is all about my delight and a case of "look who commented on my blog." After yesterdays watersports post Mistress Sidonia Von Bork was kind enough to post the reply below. I didn't want this just hiding in the comments area so I've brought it to the front page


                      "I am an older dom woman, I've just reached the big 4 - 0 and would dispute that age affects WS. I am a lover of WS play, the day before I will eat nothing too strong or spicy, vitamins are a no, no. Then early on the day I will start drinking lots of warm water and then I pee just before the session - buy the time I wish to use a slave's mouth it will be almost a clear liquid. For my movies we have had to add a little food colouring to my pee because otherwise it doesn't show up well on camera. MSVB"

On a serious note (if BDSM can be serious) it does solve the mystery. I obviously knew the golden liquid would be affected by what one consumes but I had no idea so much effort was required to really make it so wonderfully palatable. Obviously the great watersports session I have had the Dommes have gone to great efforts.

In another comment Mistress Sidonia also stated she needed to make my bottom blush. Now CP and watersports with this iconic lady, oh I can only dream, which is what I'm off to do as well as ..........

The arrival of watersports

Some 10 years or so ago I ventured to the south of the capital for a session in Hither Green. The session was very average right up to the end when I was instructed by my tormentor to lay on my back, she then crouched over me exactly as the image above and then instructed me not to spill a drop and she urinated into my mouth. This blew my mind, I had not asked for it either.

It all proved how stupid I was really. After the session I told my Domme that it was a surprising first for me and expressed how much I enjoyed it. She then referred me to the original advert that stated "suffer at xxxx's hands then drink up". OK I really should have worked it out.

Since then I have mixed results with watersports however I think I have worked it all out now. As a Domme is forcing you to swallow I have noticed the taste gets stronger the deeper you get past mid flow. I have also noticed the health of the Domme has a bearing too, a young fit Domme's golden gift will normally taste Divine and whilst I have had some outstanding sessions with larger Dommes I have learned to keep clear of the waterfall. It is also unfortunate that age seems to have an affect too which is a shame because my favorite Domme is aging, I have tried her rain and it wasn't too good. However I am that submissive if demanded I would take it down without complaint.

If I do take part in this activity I prefer to take the pleasure directly from source, I once had a repeat session where I had a divine piss drink from a beautiful Dommes source but in the next session she pissed into a glass then made me drink it. for me at least not the best.

All of the above said I do find watersports a mood thing. I am always in the mood for CP but not always the zone for golden rain.