Saturday, 11 December 2010

The next steps

After that first session in 1981 I was obviously captivated by this new world I had discovered, there was no Internet then and I had no experience on the scene. I would have killed just to get hold of an image like the one above and to think that now within a few clicks i'm watching a Domme caning in seconds.

So it was time for my second session and another round of inexperience and mistakes. I re booked to go back to Leinster Gardens where I suggested how the session should run and as any Domme reading this will tell you that was a big mistake. There is nothing wrong in giving a Domme a framework or you could end up with something you dont like, for example CBT which in my case would hate. What I learned very quickly was a shopping list leads to a dull session with no intrigue.

I decided it was time to find pastures new and what a find, again this Domme is no longer active so I can name her. The lady I discovered was Mistress Paula of St Petersburg Place and what a lady she was. She taught me how to take more punishment, how to totally let go, she encouraged tears and had the insight to know what I  really wanted, she also taught me how to savour the moment and how the session experience would continue for days onwards. I sessioned with her for years although not exclusively, but she was my teacher, she was the lady who I took all of my learned submissive skills into other sessions from and her retirement was one of my sadest days within the 5% part of my life.

I dedicate this post to Mistress Paula who probably does not know how influential she was on my journey.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Sessions with Icons

If I have any regrets it's the Dommes I left too late to visit. As I travel the halls of Femdom related sites I notice that same ladies have achieved great fame within this fetish. As I watched clip after clip I soon desired to bend to the will of these ladies, however too many times I let these legends retire from doing sessions without visiting them. As my readers know I never link a Domme directly to a session but it's no harm to list the ladies for whom I never met. I have three big regrets, I never got to session with Mistress Precious and her left arm from hell, I left it just to late to session with Mistress Valkyrie and I wish I had felt the wrath of Sidonia Von Bork.

Despite these regrets just three weeks ago just before I went on Holiday I had the privilege to be punished by a true modern legend. It was superb and she made me cry which is CP nirvana for me. Also for the first time ever I had my hands tawsed which was wonderfully painful. I had to drive home after this session, my hands and the wheel were not a good combination. The next morning I was on a plane to Europe and I was sitting for three hours on a heavenly sore bottom. Thank you, you know who you are.

So what is it that makes the legends such ?  Well obviously Internet exposure but this alone won't do it, for those that still session and don't just film have to keep up the standard and that takes effort. In my most recent session I am sure it is the ladies comprehensive questionnaire that brought out the best in our session. days before our meeting this iconic lady was able to see what made me tick and in turn she was able to administer an outstanding session.

More of the early years in my next post.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Self indulgent Q&A

Today’s blog is very selfish and is a reaction to a recent event. I have within the last two weeks applied for a session with a lady via E-mail. She asked me to fill in a questionnaire which was comprehensive and superb. It got me thinking. The following is nothing like this ladies questionnaire because that was to help get the best out of a session, what follows is my own personal Q&A session. Highly self indulgent I know but I would love to know other peoples answers too.
Q1    Favourite Implement?
Ans           As a general answer to that question I will always come back to the cane. I do have phases of fascination with other implements from time to time. The hairbrush or a paddle shaped as one has been a recent diversion. Both implements leave me sobbing and defeated which is always the desired result. They also take me to that point where you think you can go no further but Ma’am is having none of it.
Q2    Favourite Position?
Ans            This changes all the time. When I was first put over a kneeler I became obsessed with them but now they bore me. but at some time in the future I’ll desire them again. At the start of my adventures I saw no point in OTK, now I love it. As you may have noticed I’m currently obsessed with the diaper position. The best sessions for me involve moving around a bit between positions and to be fair most Dommes do that.
Q3     Favourite scenarios ?
Ans      This has changed many times. When I was younger, and especially when I started out, I was always younger than the Domme, in this aspect alone they were halcyon days. It’s way easier to submit to your seniors and also school scenarios were way more realistic.
I have played and enjoyed Mistress/slave, Aunt/nephew and direct no scene real Mistress games.
These days I really enjoy the strict wife scenario, though I have found some Dommes don’t much like doing that, I can’t blame them really, I wouldn’t want to be married to me either. What is a good alternative to that is the Domme playing the role of a disciplinarian that my wife has sent me to.
I am a bit overweight and would like to try a Strict Mistress diet programme, the only thing is I don’t know how the hell that would be practical. I like CP so the threat of 30 cane strokes even if they are painful would send me directly to KFC.

Q4     Naked or clothed ?
Ans         Definitely  naked. I don’t look good naked and find it has the desired effect of being humiliating and dis empowering. A clothed Domme has half her work done with a naked sub, as submission is almost complete at that stage alone. I don’t like being verbally humiliated though, I don’t need to be, I’m already at humiliation point. In a recent session I had layers of clothing taken away in stages and that was OK.
Q5     Orgasm necessary ?
Ans        Not necessary no, but definitely desirable, I’m not expecting the Domme to perform a sexual act here. I’m quite prepared for the humiliating task of masturbating in front of my Mistress.
I was recently asks how many Dommes I had seen, and I replied well over 25. After that I sat down with pen and paper to work out the reality which was a shocking 72, and that is what I could remember. Of those 72 only 2, including my last session didn’t end with me having an orgasm. The proof that it is not necessary is one of those two Mistresses I have sessioned with again and the last Lady I sessioned with I’ll definitely session with again.

Q6     Only CP or any other kinks
Ans      This Journey has given me the opportunity to experience many other BDSM activities, though CP is still the king of the pile. So yes, I have found additional activities I enjoy and some that I either hate or bore me. I will blog about them in future.

Sunday, 24 October 2010

Double Domme or one observer.

I was going to blog about something completely different today but  Georges’ comment on my last post brought back some great memories. His comment passed reference to being spanked by his wife with her friend present.
Now I don’t live in a DWC lifestyle and virtually all my CP experiences are at the hands of a professional Disciplinarian/Dominatrix. (I have played some games with a sub female friend of mine but that is for a future blog). I am not the wealthiest of subs so the option of booking a Two Domme or one Domme and an observer style session is not really feasible.  I have also NEVER and NEVER will ask for anything for nothing.
It would be insincere if I tried to put a number on this but on at least 4 sessions the Domme has asked me if it is OK for another lady to be present, I have always said yes. The extra lady has either joined in fully or partially and I have always assumed that she was a Domme in training. I certainly don’t mind playing my part in “The Dommes for the future program”.
However one occasion stands out a long way. In the mid 90’s I regularly sessioned with a Domme who was openly a Lesbian, I couldn’t care less about that and she was a bloody good Domme. I had booked a session for a Saturday which was a bit unusual. When I arrived she asked me if it was OK for her partner to observe the session, I would never allow a male to observe but safe in the knowledge that her partner was female I readily agreed.
This was a superb session, her partner just stood silently as I was beaten and listened to my yelps , crying and watched that final moment as  I was “broken” and submission was complete  totally passively.
I felt even more powered over by my Domme, she had punished me and made me suffer in front of her partner.
As a foot note:-
 After Wednesdays session I'm still captivated by the diaper position and will explore that again, though I think i will need my legs tied into position. I couldn't hold the position long enough and I doubt any Domme would be strong enough to hold me in place. if anyone knows of any decent clips of this position then please let me know.

Thursday, 21 October 2010

Last nights session, the diaper position and the 95/5% theory.

Before I start here I want to state that although this is my first post regarding a session I have had, I don't wish this blog to become a Mistress review site, for 4 main reasons, firstly I am sure someone else is already doing that far more comprehensibly and better than I can, secondly I don't really ever want to be negative about anyone, thirdly I can't think of a better way to never get a session again. No restaurant however good invites in the health inspectors and finally because I won't blog about every session for the sake of it but only if something interesting happens. I also will never name a Domme without their expressed permission.

Last night I had a wonderful session with an equally wonderful lady. This session had one huge stand out moment. After some OTK spanking I was for the first time ever placed in the diaper position and spanked. ( yes I know diaper is an American expression but I have never heard it called the nappy position) My heart sang as soon as I realised what was happening, I had always wanted this but thought I was too big. I can't recall if I was only spanked in this position or whether an implement was used, I had arrived in the 5% and was floating on air and didn't care. The pain in this position seemed to intensify somewhat, it was truly fantastic and something I'm going to endeavour to delve into deeper in the future.

I mentioned being in the 5%. This is an odd way I see my life. 95% of my life is the mundane norm of the likes of most people. Within that 95% there are probably 3 major factors that define me and I have worked hard recently for that not to be 4. Each factors size within the 95% will expand and contract according to time of year or relevance at any given period. The CP/BDSM/submissive/bottom fetish side of my life I don't see as a defining factor, it's too important to me, so I see it as having it's own ring fenced 5%. In this 5% I am truly alive but it is behind a big wall, I can get over the wall with my own thoughts but the best journey is made with someone else taking you there.

Psychological bull ? Yes maybe, but it helps me keep the checks and balances I desire.

Please leave comments, even if you just think I'm asshole who needs to get a grip. An opinion is just that, an opinion.

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Fiction Story by little old me.

I wrote this little story a year ago so this is an easy blog. I hope you enjoy.

Paying the price of the un-acceptable

I was stood naked facing the wall, it was always this way after the words "punishment" were uttered.

My married life is a normal one in all aspects, except we made a decision some years ago to live a more disciplined life when it came to my behaviour, which to be fair is changeable, Jill on the other hand is stable, together and without mood swings. Strict punishment was to be used to bring me back in line and to be fair it has made my life a lot less complex and without additional stresses that I always caused. The mechanics of the system are simple, if, in Jills' opinion I've transgressed, she simply announces "punishment" after which I reply "yes Ma'am" then shower and then wait facing the wall in "the room". I am to address her as Ma'am until the point I hear the words "over" and now that is exactly where I am.

I heard the door open and her shoes clicking away on the wood floor, then the clutter of implements being laid down on a wooden table, I'm sure I heard the noise of the cane but it was of little concern, today I didn't need to be a genius to work out that the cane was inevitable.

"Do you know what I have to say to you" she barked,
"No Ma'am" I lied,
"Then you're more stupid than I ever gave you credit for, you know you made me look stupid in that shop, I was so embarrassed it was unbelievable"
"Sorry Ma'am" I replied
"You are now, you could not have cared less yesterday in the shop could you, Oh how funny was it when you and the shop assistant laughed at me, Humiliated is the word that springs to mind"
"Sorry Ma'am" I repeated,
"Well you will be because today I will humiliate you as well as punish you" she announced.
"Yes Ma'am"
"Stay there while I prepare, then when I tell you to turn around you will get straight over my knees without hesitation. Understand?" she ordered
"Yes Ma'am" I uttered.

After a short while of furniture removal the dreaded words arrived and for some unknown reason after I turned around and saw the sight of her sat on the chair I began to plead, but like lightening she stood up moved towards me and delivered an almighty smack to the top of my legs, within seconds I was over her knees awaiting punishment.

The first spank arrived.
"Did that hurt?" she asked
"Yes Ma'am"
"And that?"
"Yes Ma'am"
"And that?"
"Yes Ma'am"
"Good because I'm only getting started" she stated.

20 or so more hand spanks arrived and then the guns fell silent. Respite however was short because the hairbrush was in her hand in no time. I was informed that my hands and feet were stay on the floor at all times. I always find this hard and today was going to be impossible. I find being naked so dis-empowering and over her knees even more so. The blistering I was receiving was so painful, I was screaming and crying. That fortunately was allowed but what I did next wasn't. My foot came off the floor.

"Right that is 6 extra cane strokes" she announced.

At some point the hairbrush had changed to a tawse, I wasn't sure when, I was crying uncontrollably but I had noticed it was easier to take.

"Stand up and back to the wall" she ordered.

I complied, I also knew what was next.

"OK out and get yourself bent over that desk and prepare yourself"

Normal words for me to hear but today there was something extra in her voice. The cane strokes were delivered in sets of 12. From the first stroke I was yelping, it was so painful. The first couple of sets were with a whippy cane, the next with something heavier and so on. I have not a clue how many sets were given but she certainly did remember the extra six strokes at the end, and whatever cane she used, I never want to see it again. I was broken, genuinely sorry and sobbing like a 5 year old.

"Lay on your back" she said

This was new but I complied. She stood next to me and pulled her knickers off from under her skirt. Surely we were not going to have sex. A cuddle was normal after punishment but NEVER during, so what was this?

"Now you are going to understand humiliation" she snapped

She squatted over my face, the view was wonderful but I had an idea what might be coming.

"You will swallow every drop and you will truly understand how I felt"

She started to piss, I swallowed as best I could, at first taste was not too bad but  after 4 or 5 mouthfuls it became stronger and I started to gag.

"Concentrate or the cane will re-appear" she suggested

I could take no more caning so I swallowed and swallowed and finally she stood up. Normally at the end of punishment the "over" order is announced and we cuddle. Today she told me to take a shower and then get the order from her.

Which is what I did and we had a wonderful evening.

Saturday, 16 October 2010

Rubber pants but no rubber fetish ? oh and an OTK clip (fantastic)

OK, firstly I wish I looked this good in rubber pants but forget it. I look a twat, I also have no rubber fetish at all, but I do have a reason.

Years ago it became apparent that I cut easily with the cane. A great Domme suggested I use rubber shorts which I have done for 15 years now and it works. It allows the Domme to cane away, the pain level is the same if not a little worse as they tend to hold in the sting. I only need them for the cane, all OTK and paddles etc can be applied to my bare backside.

I only blogged this because I have decided to try a few new Dommes over the coming months, despite my list of "ladies who have dealt with me" being a bit long I have largely kept to visiting the same Domme recently, who is superb. However when E-mailing session requests I think it is only fair to let the lady know about the Rubber pants in advance, she may hate the idea and then the session would be a disaster.


If OTK gets better than this then someone let me know. All that is missing is her saying at the end "get up now and bend over that chair for your caning"

Friday, 15 October 2010

Comments Box

It should be easier to leave comments now, I don't know why the settings reversed back, I certainly did't mess with them. Oh boy do I have a lot to learn about Blogging.

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

That First Session

I look back on that day with fondness, humour and just a little bit of embarrasment.

It started with me looking at an ordinary soft porn magazine, when I reached the classified section I noticed an ad that simply said " Corrective Massage call 01 *** ****". My interest level grew !

It was 1981, I was 18, there were no mobile phones, no Internet and at that point I wasn't aware of CP contact magazines. Back then the Post Office controlled telephone lines, it was possible to work out what part of London the number was in by the first 3 numbers after the 01. A quick check in the phone book told me it was in the Bayswater area. So that was fine.

I summoned up the courage, called and booked my first session.

As the neither the Domme or the flat are active now I'm safe to say that it was at the top of Leinster Gardens, which is where I arrived at the appointed time.

In later years I have often read Dommes suggesting that us subs should always be honest about our experiences, I would agree but it was purely out of genuine honesty that when asked by this lady if I had any previous experience I replied "no". I don't recall much of what verbally went on during that session but I do recall after saying "no" she replied that it was refreshingly honest and we would do fine. I then told her of my desires and we agreed on 8 strokes of the strap, 8 strokes of the cane and then 8 strokes of the tawse. The order of the cane before the tawse has all ways seemed odd in retrospect. She also suggested I might enjoy some restraint. I agreed.

I was left to strip and this is where I encountered my first problem, I was so nervous that I was covered in a thin film of sweat, but I had all ready been informed that the only words I was allowed to speak during the session would be "yes Mistress" or "no Mistress" so I could not ask for the bathroom. However as my first Mistress entered the room she noticed my problem and told me not to worry and stated she enjoyed my state of nervousness.

I was put into a harness that started as a collar, then a strap passed from the collar down and under my balls and then up my back to the back of the collar. My hands were secured to the cuffs that were attached to the back section of the harness. I was stood there naked with my arms behind my back and at 18 very aroused.

I was instructed to bend over a stool similar to the above picture. I braced myself and the punishment started, I could not believe how much it hurt, I really didn't think I could cope with 24 strokes. Then all my mistakes due to lack of experience showed. Firstly I tried to keep quite and not cry out, I don't do that now, now I love to yelp and cry and real tears are not rare, I assumed all the enjoyment would be during the session but as all of us subs know, you fly high for days after a punishment. So through naivety I didn't make the most of it.

As for the 24 strokes ? Well of course I managed them, again it seems daft to have worried, now days I have well over 100 strokes during a session but that first spank/swot/lash still hurts like hell.

I don't remember the Mistresses name but I do thank her for taking me on that first step to a wonderful, though underground fetish life since.

Saturday, 9 October 2010

London Fetish Fair

It's the London Fetish Fair on Sunday, follow the link. I will be there for the 1st time

Post Note:-   Still can't find theat hard backed genuine hairbrush that I want to purchase as a gift for someone.