Tuesday, 31 January 2012

My Hard hairbrush spanking

Just over a week ago I booked and attended my Hard hairbrush spanking. I had the idea nagging inside my head ever since a wonderful lady had posted a few free pictures from her website on Twitter depicting such a scenario. I just had to succumb to this too, so I chose a Domme I've had the pleasure to be punished by many times before. I never top from the bottom and I always allow my Domme to discipline me as she See's fit, this always makes for a better session.However this time I did have a requirement though I presented it as a suggestion. She laughed and said "don't worry we'll sort you out." I was set.

As Ma'am entered room all I could hear was the clipping of high heals and the placing of implements onto a table. My nose was pressed against the wall, the position I was instructed to be. The scolding began, I was being berated for a lack of obedience and I could feel the fear building inside of me, I was instructed to follow her commands without hesitation and to the letter. I was asked if I understood; there was only one answer "yes Ma'am". I was instructed to turn around which I did swiftly. Ma'am explained that she only had 4 implements today, two tawse and two wooden Hairbrushes. I viewed them. The two tawse couldn't have been more different; one was wide, black and relatively new the other was old, it looked like it was once tan in colour but now darkened from years of installing discipline to the unruly; it's two tails had a gap of about half an inch between them and each tail was a quarter inch square of leather. I had experienced this very implement across my palms before, I didn't like it then, today would prove to be no different.

I placed my right hand in front of me, flat as instructed. I was informed it would be 6 strokes on each hand; the wide newish tawse was first into action, the first stroke stung, the second stung more, the third hurt, the forth hurt more, the fifth was agony and after the sixth I couldn't get my hand back to my side quick enough. Big mistake. "did I tell you to put your hand down?" no she hadn't and I was informed to put my hand back out for an extra stroke. The same was repeated on my left hand, cruelly including the extra seventh stroke. I stood there with my fingers as wide apart as I could get them desperately trying to relieve the pain as Ma'am explained that I was to receive a further six to each palm with the second tawse and that it might be wise to listen and keep it to just six. Good advice too, as the first stroke hit my right hand my hip shot to the left forming a kind of C shape to my body, "keep straight"....."yes Ma'am". At the end my hands were throbbing and my voice had moved up a pitch. I was lost now to the outside world, the only thing that mattered was obeying this lady's commands and accepting this punishment.

"Get over my knee this instance" came the command. It came within two seconds of the last tawse stroke and my disciplinarian had only just sat down as the last word left her mouth. I did this kind of silly one step run as if to really emphasise I was hurrying. I was told to only have my toes on the ground and to place my weight onto my hands. I adjusted forward on her lap and my hands were in sudden agony as they compressed to the floor. The hairbrush spanking started, I was more use to this kind of punishment and settled into a cycle of spank followed by an inward grunt from me but it went on and on  and it started to become really uncomfortable and grunts became small yelps. Eventually the order to stand up came, I was relieved, all I wanted was a couple of minutes facing the wall. No such luck, not for this naughty boy.
I was instantly instructed to go and sit on the edge of a table, I knew what was coming, I had been here before. The instruction to lay back followed, I reclined then raised my legs without needing to be told, it was pointless fighting this, that did at least earn me a "good boy". Ma'am then pushed against my ankles and proceeded to hairbrush spank me. The blows were landing low on my buttocks and very high up on my legs, I couldn't settle into a rhythm the pain was too great and I was quite audibly whining. My head was against the wall and thus pushed forward leaving me no option but to watch. Unlike over the knee you know exactly when each spank will land. I closed my eyes in an attempt to prevent it. This amused my tormentor, she laughed and said "oh no, eyes open you".

Eventually I was told to stand, then she tapped my head and said "are you here with me". This question surprised me and I've spent nearly a fortnight now pondering over it because I couldn't have been more with her, she had captivated me, I was deep in sub zone. I thought it was obvious I was with her. She then instructed me to put out my right hand, she said it would be two strokes on each hand and so the tawse was back in action. After the first two strokes I kept my hand fully out. "good" she said "were getting somewhere".

With another four tawse strokes laid on there was no rest, no facing the wall time, I was ordered back over her knee, sore hands back on the floor then back in the diaper position and this cycle kept repeating itself only broken by a switch to the denser of the two hairbrushes. After a while I stood up from having been punished with legs high in the air, simply praying it was over, surely time was up, I could take no more but then that's not punishment and Ma'am ordered one more OTK followed by one more diaper position spanking and both were prolonged and how I howled.

Eventually the session was over and it was time to dry my eyes from the tears and face the mirror. Oh dear, the normal spanking area of my behind was a dark red with a very distinctive mauve circle on the right cheek and a smaller but as equally angry one centered on my left buttock. The lower half of my backside was a purple bruised mess extending to the very top of my legs. After getting dressed I noticed as I walked I could feel every step in the crease between leg and rump. This was going to be with me for a while.

Well I asked for it I suppose.

Next up is a school scene in a couple of weeks. I've got it in my head that I would like to be in a CP video/film too so I may research that

Friday, 20 January 2012

Future plans.

Well as promised I had my fun session and fun it was too. I attended an open day with two Dommes in attendance and 3 naughty subs for them to play with. One guy was away being tied up and secured in a rubber bag from what I gather, not my thing but eh, I'm sure he enjoyed it. That left two of us to be tormented in the dungeon. It was a great light hearted two hours. Just what I needed.

So to the future and my pervy little mind is back in overdrive. Some pictures that were kindly posted on twitter by a wonderful lady got my little grey cells thinking about the power of the hairbrush and so this evening I have a 30 minute strict hairbrush spanking booked with my favourite London disciplinarian. I know this will hurt. This lady is severe. I hope I get those target like bruises on each cheek. I'll blog about it next week.

Next up is an hour long School scenario booked with the two ladies who ran the open day. They are having a school day, one of them is to be the Headmistress and the other the head prefect. My money says the head prefect isn't the sweet little honest angel the Headmistress thinks she is. Well I plan to tell the Headmistress all about her. Wonder if she'll see it my way!!!

Oh yes I've been busy. Late in March I have a session booked with a visiting American disciplinarian. I only discovered her work a couple of months back but since then I've been a fan. I am really looking forward to her visit. Now they say American Dommes can't cane. Bet there wrong.

Well that's about it on the planning front other than I have started communicating on twitter with a young Domme just outside of London and I may well approach her to see if there is a possibility of a session. Oh I'll fit it in somewhere.

The problem is, I just don't like sitting comfortably.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

UK Obscenity Trial

I'm a worrier, if the London 2012 Olympics staged it as an event I would get gold. I worry about the world and the direction it going, I worry about freedom and liberty but high on my concern lists stands freedom of expression; to live my life how I want. I don't mind people passing judgement or opinion, that's to be expected in a free society but I do mind those that wish to prevent my lifestyle and in particular when they try to use legislation.

Last week saw a court room battle in London, the material discussed in court was so sexually explicit that only the bravest Radio station dared to broadcast it's details.

The story was fed virtually live from the courtroom to Twitter; something that has only just been permitted in the UK. Some people believed this trial to be a landmark defence of sexual freedom. I won't give you a blow by blow account but I will supply a link at the end to the trial itself.

In my opinion Britain has a problem at the moment, it has too many laws and too few examples. We are constantly writing up new laws when old ones already exist. We are debating and making too many laws because of alleged 3rd party harm. Currently our government is debating a minimum price on alcohol to stem drinking related problems, however the massive, huge, overwhelming majority of people manage to drink without smashing a shop window or ending up in hospital. people with drink problems do need help though not everyone else should have to suffer. This is just one of many examples where the "if and maybe" are being brought onto the statute books.

This latest trial revolved around what some would describe as the extremes of homosexual activities. All of which were 100% consensual. I'm not gay but this could have as easily been a trial about CP/BDSM activities, I believe watersports was mentioned. If my our activities became illegal in the UK we could end up as vilified as a rapist. It is often argued that extreme pornography leads to worse things; and so here we go again, wanting to ban something because of the harm it may do. 1000's of people die from falling downstairs, shall we ban multi level buildings. of course not. I can't stand the computer game Grand Theft Auto,I wish it had never been created; I swear blind it causes a minority to behave in such an abhorrent manner; but do I want it banned? Absolutely not and why? because the massive majority play it without going out to commit street crime.

The vast majority of my readers are from the USA and I know you guys sometimes struggle with British/European liberalism, though I guess if you read these kind of blogs maybe not. I served my country for many years and for me liberalism is essential if you want a non bigoted society.

I had already written a rant about this trial prior to the verdict and saved it to drafts because I was convinced a guilty verdict was on its way, it was about 2000 words, never have I been so pleased to have deleted something. The verdict was not guilty. 12 men good and true saw through the haze to understand we are free to act as we please. It has revived my faith in British justice.

However challenges will come again as those who do not understand will cling to all sorts of 3rd party harm angles to get their way. What I say to them is; if it's 100% consensual then it must be !00% legal. Remember, I don't want to ban cross-stitch !

Find trial info here

Monday, 2 January 2012

Submissiveness and Me

Submission to me is a beautiful place, it’s a comfort zone, and it’s a safe place, even if my backside and hands sting like hell. I feel I belong, that I’m not on the outside of life looking in. It isn't a place where I have no worries or concerns because I’m troubled greatly because I wish to please the person who has taken me there but despite all its qualities its wonders mystify me.

Submissiveness means many different  things to many  people, everyone’s ones perception will be different, some will differ slightly and others will be poles apart. For example I don’t like the worthless male angle; I’m not useless I’m just sexually and domestically submissive. However some male submissives will need to feel worthless to get into the submissive Zone. The thought of being cuckold actually makes me feel sad but as with every aspect of any consensual fetish I have nothing against those guys, in fact the complete opposite, go for it if it’s what makes you feel complete.

I exclusively use the services of the professional Dominatrix to venture into my submissiveness. It’s no secret on this blog that I would like to be in a female led relationship however as I’ve stated in previous posts I have totally given up trying to find it. Being a male submissive is not easy, normal relationships are difficult, I have a broken marriage, two cohabited relationships and a string of short term partners behind me and nearly all of these failed because of my lack of ability to conform to the male in charge stereotype. Only once did I ever speak of my desires to a partner and the results were only just short of personal Armageddon.... Won’t do that again!

My own lifestyle doesn’t help much either. I have two jobs, my main job is very male orientated but flexible which allows me time to pursue my part time career which is very rewarding however absolutely nobody in my social circle knows about. It’s not secret work or anything sexy like that It, It’s just something I’ve kept for me.  My social life is way too macho for its own good. Couple all of that with my past and you’ll see it doesn’t exactly put me in the shop window as a typical submissive. So it is obvious why I’ve only ever expressed my submissiveness via professional Domme/disciplinarians.
Over the last 29 years my submissiveness has changed, dare I say matured. The early years were highly sexually charged, that slowly mellowed until I reached a point about 6 years ago when I thought I understood my own nature. A London Domme who I regularly visit will spank paddle and cane me to a point where she has captivated me totally, where I am broken, I’m simply hers, and she could do whatever she wishes with me at that point. It’s a wonderful point, I feel safe, I feel looked after, a paradox that only us in this fetish (I hate that word) would understand. The only  downside is  it’s  always at the end of the session and therefore doesn’t last long. I can achieve  similar feelings with other Dommes and I do enjoy visiting other Dommes but this lady had the edge. However  a new disciplinarian entered via stage left and everything changed.

When I visit a Domme for the first time I am without exception nervous but then from the next visit on I’m not. I had no reason to expect this not to be the case when in October 2010 I visited a new disciplinarian for the first time, however on my second visit to this lady I noticed I was far more nervous than at our initial meeting and this continued over a few more sessions up to and including Decembers meeting. I started to notice that my total submissiveness was almost instant and for our last two meetings it was absolutely instant. It was wonderful. I felt safe, I felt looked after, I was eager to please, I wanted to show my gratitude to someone who made feel so beautifully submissive from the outset. I know I had paid money for this and the cost isn’t something I’m in a position to be dismissive of but it was like the cost and my submission were not connected. Anyone who regularly reads this blog will be all too aware that any price paid for Decembers encounter was an absolute irrelevance. I’ve spent ages now trying to work out what is so different, why was this lady's approach  so captivating to me. Sure she is attractive, I would go as far to say stunning but I’ve sessioned with many attractive dommes so it couldn’t be that.She canes hard and uncompromisingly but I’ve met others too that do. Well I have now finally worked it out, I’ve finally placed the last piece of the jigsaw, I’ve got it, I get it now, I know what makes me crumble, but I’m afraid that’s staying with me for now. I want to enjoy the knowledge solo for a while.
So I’ve arrived at perfection, the journey is over, I’ve found the Domme. I never thought I would ever get to a point where I would say “that is the only disciplinarian I will visit from now” well I have, but there is a catch and life is far from perfect because alas this wonderful lady is no longer doing sessions. Yep how’s your luck?

I know for certain this lady would not want me to dwell on this and that I should look forward. It took decades to finally arrive at a submissive nirvana and now my search must start again, though this time I know what I’m looking for. I’m not ready for deep emotional sessions again yet and I need to have some fun with CP on my next outing.
After that the search will begin but I bet I drink a lot of cava before I discover champagne again and when I do I doubt I’ll match the vintage.