A session with Dana Kane

I've recently been badly injured and if I'm honest I actually thought that I may never session again and I thought this blog had seen it's last post but the human body is a wonderful thing and I've made an almost full recovery.

Way back since December I've had booked an appointment with Ms Dana Kane. This week she was in the UK and I was well enough to fulfil my obligation and receive a very sore backside.

As readers of this blog well know I never name the Domme, however I've been given direct permission from Ms Kane to reveal. I'm not going to give a blow by blow account, I'm sure better writers have already done that.

It was great to experience the different approach taken by an American disciplinarian. I've often found in the UK that OTK is used more as a warm up for the big event; the cane. With Ms Kane however the OTK and punishment administered whilst laying on the bed was very much the main stay of the show. The other interesting experience was the shear area this wonderful lady covered, she deemed that she owned the punishment Zone and this Zone started almost where the buttocks meet the lower back, then stretched as wide as the hip bone and so low that it was literally the tops of the legs. I'm not saying I've never been struck in these areas before but never with such continuous intensity, it just didn't stop. The hairbrush pictured above was used extremely effectively, as you can see it's not a huge brush but it's deadly and Ms Kane loves to administer this brush in the soft area where the crease of your buttocks starts to meet your legs, the bruising I have there now is quite something to behold.

The implement being held by Ms Kane above was beyond doubt the most painful, not just because it is a superbly crafted paddle but because the way it was administered. I was laying on the bed with a pillow raising my buttocks and Ms Kane was at my feet striking forward and sideways. The far end of this torturous paddle was kissing the extremities of my flank and then striking the tops of my legs with the tip landing firmly in the "sit spot". I was literally biting a pillow and twisting fiercely to get through that part of my punishment.

I love the cane and this session ended with a dozen superbly accurate strokes, two of which are perfectly lined in the "sit spot" I'm enjoying them as I write this. I could have stayed all day receiving cane strokes and in a normal UK session I normally take a minimum of 80 but this session was American style and parts of my behind were truly woken up and new nerve ending saw the light. It was wonderful, it was different and when Ms Kane hits our shores again why don't you give her a try; only DON'T TAKE MY SPOT.

Thank you Ms Kane and thank you for the kind permission to name you. I know it frustrates some of readers that I don't normally put a name to a spank.



My Hard hairbrush spanking

Just over a week ago I booked and attended my Hard hairbrush spanking. I had the idea nagging inside my head ever since a wonderful lady had posted a few free pictures from her website on Twitter depicting such a scenario. I just had to succumb to this too, so I chose a Domme I've had the pleasure to be punished by many times before. I never top from the bottom and I always allow my Domme to discipline me as she See's fit, this always makes for a better session.However this time I did have a requirement though I presented it as a suggestion. She laughed and said "don't worry we'll sort you out." I was set.

As Ma'am entered room all I could hear was the clipping of high heals and the placing of implements onto a table. My nose was pressed against the wall, the position I was instructed to be. The scolding began, I was being berated for a lack of obedience and I could feel the fear building inside of me, I was instructed to follow her commands without hesitation and to the letter. I was asked if I understood; there was only one answer "yes Ma'am". I was instructed to turn around which I did swiftly. Ma'am explained that she only had 4 implements today, two tawse and two wooden Hairbrushes. I viewed them. The two tawse couldn't have been more different; one was wide, black and relatively new the other was old, it looked like it was once tan in colour but now darkened from years of installing discipline to the unruly; it's two tails had a gap of about half an inch between them and each tail was a quarter inch square of leather. I had experienced this very implement across my palms before, I didn't like it then, today would prove to be no different.

I placed my right hand in front of me, flat as instructed. I was informed it would be 6 strokes on each hand; the wide newish tawse was first into action, the first stroke stung, the second stung more, the third hurt, the forth hurt more, the fifth was agony and after the sixth I couldn't get my hand back to my side quick enough. Big mistake. "did I tell you to put your hand down?" no she hadn't and I was informed to put my hand back out for an extra stroke. The same was repeated on my left hand, cruelly including the extra seventh stroke. I stood there with my fingers as wide apart as I could get them desperately trying to relieve the pain as Ma'am explained that I was to receive a further six to each palm with the second tawse and that it might be wise to listen and keep it to just six. Good advice too, as the first stroke hit my right hand my hip shot to the left forming a kind of C shape to my body, "keep straight"....."yes Ma'am". At the end my hands were throbbing and my voice had moved up a pitch. I was lost now to the outside world, the only thing that mattered was obeying this lady's commands and accepting this punishment.

"Get over my knee this instance" came the command. It came within two seconds of the last tawse stroke and my disciplinarian had only just sat down as the last word left her mouth. I did this kind of silly one step run as if to really emphasise I was hurrying. I was told to only have my toes on the ground and to place my weight onto my hands. I adjusted forward on her lap and my hands were in sudden agony as they compressed to the floor. The hairbrush spanking started, I was more use to this kind of punishment and settled into a cycle of spank followed by an inward grunt from me but it went on and on  and it started to become really uncomfortable and grunts became small yelps. Eventually the order to stand up came, I was relieved, all I wanted was a couple of minutes facing the wall. No such luck, not for this naughty boy.

I was instantly instructed to go and sit on the edge of a table, I knew what was coming, I had been here before. The instruction to lay back followed, I reclined then raised my legs without needing to be told, it was pointless fighting this, that did at least earn me a "good boy". Ma'am then pushed against my ankles and proceeded to hairbrush spank me. The blows were landing low on my buttocks and very high up on my legs, I couldn't settle into a rhythm the pain was too great and I was quite audibly whining. My head was against the wall and thus pushed forward leaving me no option but to watch. Unlike over the knee you know exactly when each spank will land. I closed my eyes in an attempt to prevent it. This amused my tormentor, she laughed and said "oh no, eyes open you".

Eventually I was told to stand, then she tapped my head and said "are you here with me". This question surprised me and I've spent nearly a fortnight now pondering over it because I couldn't have been more with her, she had captivated me, I was deep in sub zone. I thought it was obvious I was with her. She then instructed me to put out my right hand, she said it would be two strokes on each hand and so the tawse was back in action. After the first two strokes I kept my hand fully out. "good" she said "were getting somewhere".

With another four tawse strokes laid on there was no rest, no facing the wall time, I was ordered back over her knee, sore hands back on the floor then back in the diaper position and this cycle kept repeating itself only broken by a switch to the denser of the two hairbrushes. After a while I stood up from having been punished with legs high in the air, simply praying it was over, surely time was up, I could take no more but then that's not punishment and Ma'am ordered one more OTK followed by one more diaper position spanking and both were prolonged and how I howled.

Eventually the session was over and it was time to dry my eyes from the tears and face the mirror. Oh dear, the normal spanking area of my behind was a dark red with a very distinctive mauve circle on the right cheek and a smaller but as equally angry one centered on my left buttock. The lower half of my backside was a purple bruised mess extending to the very top of my legs. After getting dressed I noticed as I walked I could feel every step in the crease between leg and rump. This was going to be with me for a while.

Well I asked for it I suppose.

Next up is a school scene in a couple of weeks. I've got it in my head that I would like to be in a CP video/film too so I may research that



Future plans.

Well as promised I had my fun session and fun it was too. I attended an open day with two Dommes in attendance and 3 naughty subs for them to play with. One guy was away being tied up and secured in a rubber bag from what I gather, not my thing but eh, I'm sure he enjoyed it. That left two of us to be tormented in the dungeon. It was a great light hearted two hours. Just what I needed.

So to the future and my pervy little mind is back in overdrive. Some pictures that were kindly posted on twitter by a wonderful lady got my little grey cells thinking about the power of the hairbrush and so this evening I have a 30 minute strict hairbrush spanking booked with my favourite London disciplinarian. I know this will hurt. This lady is severe. I hope I get those target like bruises on each cheek. I'll blog about it next week.

Next up is an hour long School scenario booked with the two ladies who ran the open day. They are having a school day, one of them is to be the Headmistress and the other the head prefect. My money says the head prefect isn't the sweet little honest angel the Headmistress thinks she is. Well I plan to tell the Headmistress all about her. Wonder if she'll see it my way!!!

Oh yes I've been busy. Late in March I have a session booked with a visiting American disciplinarian. I only discovered her work a couple of months back but since then I've been a fan. I am really looking forward to her visit. Now they say American Dommes can't cane. Bet there wrong.

Well that's about it on the planning front other than I have started communicating on twitter with a young Domme just outside of London and I may well approach her to see if there is a possibility of a session. Oh I'll fit it in somewhere.

The problem is, I just don't like sitting comfortably.

UK Obscenity Trial

I'm a worrier, if the London 2012 Olympics staged it as an event I would get gold. I worry about the world and the direction it going, I worry about freedom and liberty but high on my concern lists stands freedom of expression; to live my life how I want. I don't mind people passing judgement or opinion, that's to be expected in a free society but I do mind those that wish to prevent my lifestyle and in particular when they try to use legislation.

Last week saw a court room battle in London, the material discussed in court was so sexually explicit that only the bravest Radio station dared to broadcast it's details.

The story was fed virtually live from the courtroom to Twitter; something that has only just been permitted in the UK. Some people believed this trial to be a landmark defence of sexual freedom. I won't give you a blow by blow account but I will supply a link at the end to the trial itself.

In my opinion Britain has a problem at the moment, it has too many laws and too few examples. We are constantly writing up new laws when old ones already exist. We are debating and making too many laws because of alleged 3rd party harm. Currently our government is debating a minimum price on alcohol to stem drinking related problems, however the massive, huge, overwhelming majority of people manage to drink without smashing a shop window or ending up in hospital. people with drink problems do need help though not everyone else should have to suffer. This is just one of many examples where the "if and maybe" are being brought onto the statute books.

This latest trial revolved around what some would describe as the extremes of homosexual activities. All of which were 100% consensual. I'm not gay but this could have as easily been a trial about CP/BDSM activities, I believe watersports was mentioned. If my our activities became illegal in the UK we could end up as vilified as a rapist. It is often argued that extreme pornography leads to worse things; and so here we go again, wanting to ban something because of the harm it may do. 1000's of people die from falling downstairs, shall we ban multi level buildings. of course not. I can't stand the computer game Grand Theft Auto,I wish it had never been created; I swear blind it causes a minority to behave in such an abhorrent manner; but do I want it banned? Absolutely not and why? because the massive majority play it without going out to commit street crime.

The vast majority of my readers are from the USA and I know you guys sometimes struggle with British/European liberalism, though I guess if you read these kind of blogs maybe not. I served my country for many years and for me liberalism is essential if you want a non bigoted society.

I had already written a rant about this trial prior to the verdict and saved it to drafts because I was convinced a guilty verdict was on its way, it was about 2000 words, never have I been so pleased to have deleted something. The verdict was not guilty. 12 men good and true saw through the haze to understand we are free to act as we please. It has revived my faith in British justice.

However challenges will come again as those who do not understand will cling to all sorts of 3rd party harm angles to get their way. What I say to them is; if it's 100% consensual then it must be !00% legal. Remember, I don't want to ban cross-stitch !

Find trial info here
http://obscenitylawyer.blogspot.com/

Submissiveness and Me

Submission to me is a beautiful place, it’s a comfort zone, and it’s a safe place, even if my backside and hands sting like hell. I feel I belong, that I’m not on the outside of life looking in. It isn't a place where I have no worries or concerns because I’m troubled greatly because I wish to please the person who has taken me there but despite all its qualities its wonders mystify me.

Submissiveness means many different  things to many  people, everyone’s ones perception will be different, some will differ slightly and others will be poles apart. For example I don’t like the worthless male angle; I’m not useless I’m just sexually and domestically submissive. However some male submissives will need to feel worthless to get into the submissive Zone. The thought of being cuckold actually makes me feel sad but as with every aspect of any consensual fetish I have nothing against those guys, in fact the complete opposite, go for it if it’s what makes you feel complete.

I exclusively use the services of the professional Dominatrix to venture into my submissiveness. It’s no secret on this blog that I would like to be in a female led relationship however as I’ve stated in previous posts I have totally given up trying to find it. Being a male submissive is not easy, normal relationships are difficult, I have a broken marriage, two cohabited relationships and a string of short term partners behind me and nearly all of these failed because of my lack of ability to conform to the male in charge stereotype. Only once did I ever speak of my desires to a partner and the results were only just short of personal Armageddon.... Won’t do that again!

My own lifestyle doesn’t help much either. I have two jobs, my main job is very male orientated but flexible which allows me time to pursue my part time career which is very rewarding however absolutely nobody in my social circle knows about. It’s not secret work or anything sexy like that It, It’s just something I’ve kept for me.  My social life is way too macho for its own good. Couple all of that with my past and you’ll see it doesn’t exactly put me in the shop window as a typical submissive. So it is obvious why I’ve only ever expressed my submissiveness via professional Domme/disciplinarians.

Over the last 29 years my submissiveness has changed, dare I say matured. The early years were highly sexually charged, that slowly mellowed until I reached a point about 6 years ago when I thought I understood my own nature. A London Domme who I regularly visit will spank paddle and cane me to a point where she has captivated me totally, where I am broken, I’m simply hers, and she could do whatever she wishes with me at that point. It’s a wonderful point, I feel safe, I feel looked after, a paradox that only us in this fetish (I hate that word) would understand. The only  downside is  it’s  always at the end of the session and therefore doesn’t last long. I can achieve  similar feelings with other Dommes and I do enjoy visiting other Dommes but this lady had the edge. However  a new disciplinarian entered via stage left and everything changed.

When I visit a Domme for the first time I am without exception nervous but then from the next visit on I’m not. I had no reason to expect this not to be the case when in October 2010 I visited a new disciplinarian for the first time, however on my second visit to this lady I noticed I was far more nervous than at our initial meeting and this continued over a few more sessions up to and including Decembers meeting. I started to notice that my total submissiveness was almost instant and for our last two meetings it was absolutely instant. It was wonderful. I felt safe, I felt looked after, I was eager to please, I wanted to show my gratitude to someone who made feel so beautifully submissive from the outset. I know I had paid money for this and the cost isn’t something I’m in a position to be dismissive of but it was like the cost and my submission were not connected. Anyone who regularly reads this blog will be all too aware that any price paid for Decembers encounter was an absolute irrelevance. I’ve spent ages now trying to work out what is so different, why was this lady's approach  so captivating to me. Sure she is attractive, I would go as far to say stunning but I’ve sessioned with many attractive dommes so it couldn’t be that.She canes hard and uncompromisingly but I’ve met others too that do. Well I have now finally worked it out, I’ve finally placed the last piece of the jigsaw, I’ve got it, I get it now, I know what makes me crumble, but I’m afraid that’s staying with me for now. I want to enjoy the knowledge solo for a while.
So I’ve arrived at perfection, the journey is over, I’ve found the Domme. I never thought I would ever get to a point where I would say “that is the only disciplinarian I will visit from now” well I have, but there is a catch and life is far from perfect because alas this wonderful lady is no longer doing sessions. Yep how’s your luck?

I know for certain this lady would not want me to dwell on this and that I should look forward. It took decades to finally arrive at a submissive nirvana and now my search must start again, though this time I know what I’m looking for. I’m not ready for deep emotional sessions again yet and I need to have some fun with CP on my next outing.

After that the search will begin but I bet I drink a lot of cava before I discover champagne again and when I do I doubt I’ll match the vintage.

Fiction Story

I've had a dreadful weekend and feel really low so I've written this little story to try and lift me a bit. Hope you enjoy it but please remember that Charles Dickens I ain't;

2012 A NEW ANGLE

We arrived home from the new years eve party at about 3am, I would like to have stayed longer but Jill wanted to come home. I love my married life and I always obey Jill so home we went. When we got home Jill told me to go and take a shower and meet her in the bedroom, now this confused me a bit because if I'm ever to be punished I have to shower and then wait facing the wall in our living room. This always starts with Jill simply saying "punishment" I reply "yes Ma'am" I then shower, wait facing the wall, receive my punishment then hear the word "over" then Ma'am becomes Jill again. So what was this ? I hadn't heard the word "punishment " so I just said "ok Jill". She did not berate me so I knew I wasn't in trouble.

I entered the bedroom wearing a dressing gown, Jill was sat on the end of the bed, she had two bags next to her, one was definitely the scrabble game bag which holds the letters the other was a small black silk like bag. She also had a notepad and a pen. Jill smiled beautifully and started to speak softly.

"Steve take your dressing gown off and kneel before me please"
I complied, I was a little confused. Although we live in a female led marriage we also have equality as it's corner stone, I'm a submissive husband not a slave but I found myself kneeling before Jill, looking into the eyes of a Mistress like lady above.

"give me your hands Steve"
I held them forward and she clasped them softly,
"I want an honest answer to this please Steve. How often do you masturbate ?"
I had no intention of not being truthful so I replied
"about 5 times a week Jill"
"do you not think that is excessive ?" she replied
"I suppose it is Jill" was the best reply I could muster.
"have you ever masturbated on the same day as we have make love?"
"yes Ma'am" I blurted
"you don't have to call me Ma'am Steve, you're not in anyway in trouble, in fact I'm going to help you greatly this year"
She continued "you must find sex with me less enjoyable having masturbated earlier surely ?"
"yes of course Jill" I replied.

Jill continued to hold my hands and softly lecture me saying that I was over using my own sexuality to the point it was mundane and that delayed gratification always felt better. She quickly worked out that I was having 250 plus orgasms a year and that needed to be cut drastically to about 24. She started to tell me the plan.

Jill opened the black bag and placed the item on the bed, It was a plastic chastity device and said,

"now as always Steve you don't have to do this but I would like you to start wearing this device"
"of course Jill" came my reply. I could see this lady cared and I felt loved.
" now I'm going to restrict you to 2 orgasms a month, I expect that be will with us making love but if it's the wrong time then I shall do it for you or I may have you masturbate as I watch"
"ok Jill" I replied

Jill the explained the scrabble bag. She had stuck numbers on the letter tiles, the numbers 1 to 28. I was to pick two numbers for each month and these were to be the release days. Clearly there was to be no relief on the 29th, 30th and 31st of each month.

"ok Steve lets start with January, pick out two tiles"
I came up with 11 and 18
"so your first orgasm is will be the 11th of January followed by another on the 18th, now put those numbers back and lets get on with February"

This continued through the twelve months with Jill recording every date on the notepad. The most alarming period was June and July because I picked the !st and 3rd of June followed by the 24th and 28th of July. September and October were not much better either, they had a 4 week plus period of abstinence too.

Jill, armed with all the dates stated to outline some other rules.

"I'm controlling your orgasms because you can't or won't look after yourself. I can control my sexual needs and when I feel the need for sexual comfort you will selflessly comply and satisfy me please"
Jill continued,
"I will not be using chastity as a punishment tool, the hairbrush, tawse and cane will remain my tools of punishment. This is not punishment, it's encouragement. You will get release on those dates regardless of any other issues. Next year we might be able to set the dates and work on trust but for now we will need the chastity device"

Jill went on to say that I might have wet dreams and that I'm not to worry if I do and that I should tell her and that it would not count against me at all. She mentioned supervised washing and how the device may take some getting used to. Then she said,

"when did you last masturbate ?"
"actually Jill it was over 2 days ago" I almost pleaded
"don't worry I believe you she replied, ok you may masturbate now"

Despite my love for Jill I have never found this easy, it's a little humiliating and I haven't done it often but I did it and after I orgasmed Jill told me to go and wash that area thoroughly and return. Jill took over again.

"stand in front of me please" she said, softly but with purpose.

Jill started to fit the device, it seemed to take forever, choosing the back ring seemed to be the main issue but eventually that noise rang out, the noise of the padlock clicking shut. A triumphant Jill spoke.

"now Steve I think I would like some new year pleasure too."

 Jill stood up and dropped her dress, her nakedness already prepared, she then lay back on the bed. I placed my head between her legs. 2012 had begun.

One week on

So one week on from possibly one of the most emotional events of my life I ask, where next ?
What's happened ? Have I reached the end of the road, am I at square 100 of the snakes and ladders board with no where else to go, or am I only at the very start of the next level ? Have I only just discovered the true power of CP and experienced what one of the best professionals can achieve when you are genuinely carrying guilt.

I don't know is the simple answer, I've spent a week analysing it and all I know is that it was truly helpful to me, plus it went beyond it's remit and gave me some clarity on other issues in my life. I know I still feel very humble, a grown man literally crying on a ladies shoulder would do that, but it was what was needed. I didn't know that but the consummate professional who guided me through did.

I know I will session again in the future, it's deep in my psyche. In fact I have a session booked for the spring with a visiting American lady, but I'm not ready yet, not even close. Yesterday I went to the London Fetish fair and although the place was full of like minded lovely people, I personally wasn't in the zone. If I never had a session again I would be safe in the knowledge that my final experience was perfection. I didn't enjoy it, I wasn't supposed to.

I know not everyone is the same and we all react differently but if anyone is thinking of putting themselves through this then I say go for it, but remember this, it doesn't end with the final stroke, in fact to quote part of a Churchill speech I would say it's just the beginning of the end. The soul searching afterwards is immense. My next piece of advice I strongly recommend. Make sure a hug is available at the end. I would not have thought it necessary in a million years but when i got up from the bench I felt frightened but comforting and reassuring arms were around me before I could know. Also it is vital you trust your Domme because you are handing over to them not just your body but also your emotions.

I don't know what other negative emotions can be helped. After my disgraceful binge eat tonight when I'm supposed to be losing weight maybe it could help there. However that's all for another time